Are You Lazy Like Me… Or Is It ADHD?

For most of my life, I thought I was lazy.

Not all the time. Just sometimes. And that’s what made it confusing.

Because I could build a business.
I could work 10-hour days.
I could see opportunities and execute ideas quickly.

But then I could also avoid replying to messages for weeks. Leave admin tasks sitting for months. Feel completely overwhelmed by things that looked simple to everyone else.

So how can someone be capable of so much… but struggle with the basics?

That question followed me for years.

At 38, I finally got an answer.

ADHD.

And suddenly, so much of my life made sense.

ADHD Doesn’t Always Look Like Hyperactivity

When most people think of ADHD, they picture someone physically hyper. Someone loud, disruptive, unable to sit still.

That wasn’t me.

I wasn’t bouncing off the walls.
I wasn’t the child causing chaos.
I wasn’t physically restless.

My ADHD is primarily inattentive type.

Which for me looks more like:

Overthinking everything
Having constant mental “tabs” open
Starting lots of things but struggling to finish them
Zoning out even when trying to focus
Feeling mentally overwhelmed rather than physically hyper

My brain is busy even when I look calm.

And I think that’s why it was missed for so long.

Because from the outside, I looked capable.

I went to university.
I got degrees.
I travelled the world working in makeup.
I built Bellissimi.

But internally, it often felt like I was managing chaos.

The Word That Followed Me: Lazy

One word that really stuck with me growing up was lazy.

Not always said directly. Sometimes just implied.

When you don’t finish things.
When you procrastinate.
When you struggle with consistency.

People assume it’s motivation.

But what I now understand is that ADHD is not a motivation problem.

It’s a regulation problem.

It’s not that you don’t want to do things.

Sometimes your brain just struggles to start.

And that’s very different.

Why I Was Told I Had OCD First

Before ADHD was even considered, I was told I had OCD.

But not in the stereotypical way people imagine.

I wasn’t washing my hands repeatedly.
I wasn’t checking locks constantly.

What I did have was:

Overthinking
Mental loops
Constant planning
Trying to prepare for every possible outcome

Looking back now, I don’t think this was OCD.

I think it was my ADHD brain trying to create control.

Because when your brain struggles with regulation, you often try to create structure somewhere else.

Lists.
Planning.
Overthinking.

Not because you’re obsessive.

Because your brain is trying to create safety.

And when I understood that, something really clicked.

ADHD and Business: My Strength and My Struggle

ADHD has affected how I run my business massively.

But not always negatively.

Some of my biggest strengths come from it:

Vision
Creativity
Seeing gaps in the market
Connecting ideas quickly
Thinking differently

That is ADHD too.

But where I struggled was structure.

The middle part of business.
The consistency.
The repetitive tasks.

I can launch something brilliantly.

Maintaining it daily? That’s harder.

And for years I judged myself for that.

Now I understand something important:

ADHD isn’t about discipline.

It’s about design.

Instead of forcing myself into systems that don’t suit me, I try to design my environment better.

I know I function better when I have momentum.
I know movement helps my focus.
I know stimulation helps my brain.

Understanding that changed everything.

Masking: Looking Capable While Feeling Overwhelmed

One thing I think many ADHD women relate to is masking.

We become very good at appearing capable.

We overprepare.
We overdeliver.
We overthink.

People see confidence.

They don’t see the effort it sometimes takes just to maintain that.

Another big part of this for me is something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

If a client doesn’t reply.
If someone seems slightly off.
If I replay something I said.

My brain can immediately go to:
What did I do wrong?

Even when logically I know I haven’t done anything wrong.

Understanding this helped me separate reality from reaction.

And that’s been powerful.

What My Diagnosis Actually Changed

The diagnosis didn’t change who I am.

It explained who I’ve always been.

Instead of asking:
Why am I like this?

I now ask:
How do I support this?

I’ve become kinder to myself.

Less harsh.
Less self-critical.

I still have high standards.

But I don’t attach shame to difficult days anymore.

And that’s huge.

Because shame doesn’t help growth.

Understanding does.

ADHD Isn’t Just a Struggle

I also think it’s important to say ADHD isn’t just the difficult parts.

It’s also given me:

Creativity
Empathy
Drive
Intuition
Resilience

I genuinely believe part of my ability to build Bellissimi came from how my brain works.

The vision.
The refusal to settle.
The passion.

ADHD didn’t stop me building my life.

Understanding it is just helping me protect myself while I do.

Maybe You’re Not Lazy Either

If you’re reading this and recognising yourself…

Maybe you're not lazy.

Maybe you're not broken.
Maybe you're not inconsistent.

Maybe your brain just works differently.

And understanding that isn’t about labels.

It’s about compassion.

Because when you understand yourself, you stop trying to become someone else.

You start learning how to become a better version of you.

And that feels a lot more peaceful.

Final Thought

For me, this year hasn’t been about diagnosis.

It’s been about understanding.

And sometimes that’s the most powerful thing of all.

LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE HERE... https://open.spotify.com/episode/59w1wkWDKHUiFj6QsgBHVQ